Proto:Lang Conference List Archives

The following partial LISTSERV archive for the Proto:Lang Conference list was recovered using forensic data recovery techniques.

Emails 213-216
Subject: I FOUND IT!!!
From: Susan Carter <log in to unmask>
Reply-To: Proto:Lang List <log in to unmask>
Date: Sat, 19 Dec 2009 16:37:46 -0600
Content-Type: text/plain
Parts/Attachments: noneDear colleagues, As many of you know, I recently accepted a position at Darlette University in Missouri. For the last couple of months since coming on-board as the head of the department here (I still can’t believe it, ha!), I’ve been clearing out the building’s dusty old attics and cellars looking for improperly stored or miscatalogued artifacts; you know how it is, every Anthro Dept has its share of skeletons lurking in mop closets : ) Sorry! I couldn’t resist. While I’m not one who believes in Luck or Fate or Providence, let me tell you, what I found defies all my skepticism: THE ROSETTA II TABLET!!!! Pardonnez mon français, but can you effing believe it?! It’s here! I don’t know how or when it came into the University’s possession and I don’t care! It’s actually here! Susan — Dr. Susan Carter, PhD Director of Anthropology & Linguistics Darlette University, Sugar Creek, MO

Subject: RE: I FOUND IT!!!
From: Walter Babegh <log in to unmask>
Reply-To: Proto:Lang List <log in to unmask>
Date: Sat, 19 Dec 2009 18:20:13 -0500
Content-Type: text/plain
Parts/Attachments:Please, Susan. Do try to contain your excitement. This is an intellectual space, not some random Internet fan forum for vapid Jay Low fans to commune in orgiastic braying. At any rate, how can you be certain it’s the actual so-called “Rosetta II” artifact? What’s to say you’re not just making all this up? After all, it does seem a tad too coincidental that you just happen to rediscover an artifact originally discovered by the late William Carter — your paternal ancestor — in the most unlikely of places, a backwater podunk Midwestern university with a student body that numbers in the dozens and with a collective IQ to match. And let’s face it, you do have a rather… controversial… history in our little community, do you not? -WB

Subject: RE: I FOUND IT!!!
From: Jannat Hasan <log in to unmask>
Reply-To: Proto:Lang List <log in to unmask>
Date: Sat, 19 Dec 2009 17:28:51 -0600
Content-Type: text/plain
Parts/Attachments:Oh, shut it, Walt. You’re such a God-awful prat at times. Can’t you just keep your venom to yourself? Susan: Congratulations, love! Your career will be taking off like a rocket ship now!! Janie — Jannat Hasan Associate Professor, Middle Eastern History Darlette University, Sugar Creek, MO
Emails 304-309
Subject: 1st Phoneme, Not PIE! It’s PPIE!
From: Susan Carter <log in to unmask>
Reply-To: Proto:Lang List <log in to unmask>
Date: Mon, 25 Jan 2010 11:03:11 -0600
Content-Type: text/plain
Parts/Attachments: 1stPho.pngDear colleagues, I’m making little progress in deciphering the language of the Rosetta II stone. Attached is a scan of a charcoal rubbing I made of a phoneme I had originally believed to be related to the Akkadian word ‘duk’. It turns out it’s not Akkadian. In fact, I don’t think it’s Proto-Indo-European at all! Rather, I’m becoming more and more certain it’s Proto-Proto-Indo-European… or Pre-Proto-Indo-European… …if that makes sense? I don’t know what’s going on with the stone; whenever my assistant takes rubbings from it the charcoal stick feels warm, like it’s about to ignite. If this thing turns out to be radioactive I’m gonna — beg pardon — poop kittens! I’ve sent it over to the physics department for analysis. It needs to be carbon dated anyway… Susan — Dr. Susan Carter, PhD Director of Anthropology & Linguistics Darlette University, Sugar Creek, MO

Subject: RE: 1st Phoneme, Not PIE! It’s PPIE!
From: Walter Babegh <log in to unmask>
Reply-To: Proto:Lang List <log in to unmask>
Date: Tue, 26 Jan 2010 21:17:50 -0600
Content-Type: text/plain
Parts/Attachments:Oh, Good Grief! Hasn’t this madness carried on long enough? There were no writing systems extant pre-Sumeria, pre-Akkadia. Extensive archaeology in the Middle East tells us this. Where did you get your doctorate, a box of Cracker Jacks? That glyph is probably an as yet uncatalogued Assyro-Babylonian phoneme, AT BEST, and at worst another Piltdown Man. I’m leaning toward the later, given your histrionic rantings in years past. -WB

Subject: RE: 1st Phoneme, Not PIE! It’s PPIE!
From: Hjalmar Nyqvist <log in to unmask>
Reply-To: Proto:Lang List <log in to unmask>
Date: Tis, 2010-01-26 01:12:33 +0100
Content-Type: text/plain
Parts/Attachments: none”Walter Babegh <log in to unmask> skrev på 2010-01-26 Tisdag: Where did you get your doctorate, a box of Cracker Jacks?”Mr. Babegh, you’ve been warned many times now about your unseemly behavior toward the women on this List. Frankly, in this day and age I’m quite astounded you are still employed by M.U., considering your provincial attitudes toward anyone who isn’t a WASP. This is your final warning before I remove your subscription. Hjalmar Nyqvist, Doktorsexamen Institutionen för Lingvistik Djup Grotta Universitet Universitetsvägen 12 C, Frescati Lunds, Sweden 222 74


Subject: RE: 1st Phoneme, Not PIE! It’s PPIE!
From: Susan Carter <log in to unmask>
Reply-To: Proto:Lang List <log in to unmask>
Date: Fri, 29 Jan 2010 13:27:18 -0600
Content-Type: text/plain
Parts/Attachments: CarterTest-Sample9472739A.xlsDear colleagues, Good news! The eggheads over at Wessen Hall tell me the stone isn’t radioactive. What a relief! I guess I won’t be turning into one of those “psion” things from Alien Legacy after all, ha ha. (Although I wouldn’t mind having the power to “brain spike” Walter a few times, just to teach him some manners… j/k.) They also ran carbon dating tests on the stone and have dated it approximately -28,000 years B.C.E. I know. I know! I asked them to run the test again and to double check ALL the variables. The second time produced the same date. (See the attached Excel file.) So, either humans were writing 24,000 years before our earliest records, or the stone has some physical property that’s throwing off the test. (Remember the Grenoble potsherds?) You all know me. You know my theories. I don’t believe this was a carbon dating error. Unfortunately, if it is that old then I don’t possibly see how I’ll ever be able decipher the text on the stone. Our closest linguistic analogue is 24,000 years removed from it. Susan — Dr. Susan Carter, PhD Director of Anthropology & Linguistics Darlette University, Sugar Creek, MO

Subject: RE: 1st Phoneme, Not PIE! It’s PPIE!
From: Jannat Hasan <log in to unmask>
Reply-To: Proto:Lang List <log in to unmask>
Date: Sat, 30 Jan 2010 22:02:20 -0600
Content-Type: text/plain
Parts/Attachments:As Susan and I discussed over dinner earlier (Moroccan food, Walt. Jealous?), I recall once seeing a number of artifacts in a small, one-room museum in a remote Austrian village (Hallstatt, I think, about 2 hours south of Salzberg on that beautiful lake) that bore similar etchings as the Rosetta II stone. At least, they seem similar in my memory. Does anyone on the list have a connection in Hallstatt that could help out? Maybe with photos and information about the origins of the artifacts? Janie — Jannat Hasan Associate Professor, Middle Eastern History Darlette University, Sugar Creek, MO
Subject: RE: 1st Phoneme, Not PIE! It’s PPIE!
From: Mitzi Schrade-Ritter
Reply-To: Proto:Lang List
Date: Son, 2010-01-31 13:22:11 +0100
Content-Type: text/plain
Parts/Attachments: noneMy Dearest Dr. Carter,
Your PNG Attachment was not received as intended on My end, unfortunately. It was converted to ASCII. While legible, I’m quite certain It is not how You intended to present It.
Would You please upload it to your University FTP server and send Me the Link privately? Thank You.

                                                              
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